I Don't Feel Like Myself Today, Sensei
by Ace Trainer Alicia
Summary: Our favorite shinobi keep waking up to find themselves not behaving like themselves. But what can they do about it? Pokes fun at OOCness and common OOC cliche plotlines. Not meant to offend anyone.


**A/N: So you've all seen the Mary Sue parodies, bad high-school fic parodies, and Yaoi-bashing parodies. Well, now it's time for another parody. Because I feel a need to get on my soapbox and speak my mind, and how better to do that than to do what I do best: write a story? HOWEVER: Please read my second disclaimer BEFORE you proceed. I don't aim to bash people for having opinions that differ from my own.**

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Yaoi (especially SasuNaru and Uchihacest) wouldn't be allowed, nor would any of the OOCness I am bashing, the plotline would at least be believable, Hinata would have her Naruto (or find love in my dear Kray), the most solidly canon couple would be Itachi and me, and Sasuke would be dead. Oh, and Itachi, Renji, Aidou, Kray, Ike, Zihark, Alucard, Boba Fett, all of Omega Squad (…well, maybe not Darman; he's got Etain), and Obi-Wan Kenobi would all comprise my personal harem. However, I could never decide whether Itachi or Kray would be my husband of husbands. (Only joking about the harem part!) But a woman can dream, can't she?

Disclaimer 2: The purpose of this story is not to bash any people, nor any pairings or characters (except perhaps Sasuke, though that's not my aim). What I am bashing is out-of-character-ness, regardless of plot or pairing. I do not have the right to make personal attacks on others, and certainly not for petty reasons such as difference of opinion.

* * *

Hyuuga Hinata hurried up the staircase of the apartment complex, clutching a package underneath her arm. For some reason she couldn't fathom, a feeling of dread was rising in her chest. Why did she feel so nervous?

She reached the door to Naruto's apartment and knocked tentatively at the door. Then she stepped back and waited.

Hinata shook her head. Why was she so nervous? She and Naruto had been a couple for a year and a half now. They knew each other well and had grown to love each other very much. There was no reason for her to be so scared when she was just coming to visit his home and give him a birthday present.

Something was definitely wrong. That was it. The chill breeze that blew in from a window made her all the more sure.

Naruto hadn't come to the door yet. Hinata knew something was definitely wrong; Naruto always came to the door immediately when someone knocked.

She pressed her ear against the door. There were faint voices coming from inside the apartment.

"Naruto-kun is in trouble," she thought, reaching into her pocket for her spare key.

She quickly opened the door and rushed into the apartment. What she saw made her jump back in alarm.

Naruto was on his bed, hunched over a sweating Haruno Sakura, shirtless and panting. His eyes weren't his usual bright sapphire blue. Instead they were glassy and glazed over. Sakura seemed to be in the same trancelike state.

Hinata stared in shock for a moment, but it quickly passed, and she spoke.

"That is not Uzumaki Naruto," she said aloud. "I know him well enough to know that he would never do such a filthy deed."

Instantly Naruto and Sakura snapped out of their trance. Naruto, his eyes wide, stared at Sakura's stunned face in horror, and then looked over at Hinata.

"Hinata-chan, wait!" he called. "It's not what it looks like!"

Hinata slid into a Jyuuken stance. "Who are you and what have you done with Sakura and Naruto?"

"I'm Naruto!" exclaimed Naruto. "It's just that Sakura-chan and I—well, we weren't ourselves until you came in!"

Hinata lowered her arms. "Not yourselves?"

Sakura sat up and nodded.

"The author of the story did it," she said. "She completely disregarded Naruto-kun's and my characters and forced us into that trance you saw us in, so that we were no longer ourselves. You were supposed to walk in on us doing The Deed so that you would hate Naruto-kun and therefore seek solace in, and ultimately fall in love with, my Sasuke-kun."

Naruto's mouth dropped open. "Hinata-chan with Sasuke-teme? I'd never cheat on my girlfriend! I don't just do things for convenient plot purposes!"

He turned to his pink-haired teammate. "How did you know that, Sakura-chan?"

"I know the plot the author has in mind," Sakura replied, getting off Naruto's bed. "I saw her plans right before we fell under her spell."

She strode to the door and started to put her sandals back on. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go look for Sasuke-kun. He might have come back due to that spell."

"Sakura-chan, wait!" Naruto called after her. "Are we going to fall under a genjutsu like that again? I don't want to do that!"

"We probably will tomorrow," Sakura said. "It will be different, though. It all depends on who the author is and how they want the story to go."

Hinata's eyes were wide. She was glad she hadn't fallen under that strange spell that had almost turned the boy she loved into a scoundrel he was not. It felt almost like the day some sickeningly perfect girls had come into Konoha, beaten up Sakura, and made Sasuke and Kakashi fall in love with them. No, it felt more like the day she and all the other Konoha women were tied to a tree to watch all the men kissing and hugging and doing several other unbecoming things, while numerous screaming girls carrying wooden paddles danced in the streets and prepared to burn the women at the stake.

The idea of her suddenly hating him and falling in love with that traitor instead filled her with a sense of trepidation. Why would this author want her to be so shallow? Why was the Uchiha traitor better for her? From what little she knew of him, she didn't believe he had the capacity to truly love anyone, not like Naruto or Lee. Moreover, she was anything but shallow.

"Do all the authors out there force us to do things we would never do to fit the plot of their stories?" she asked.

Sakura shook her head. "There are quite a few who see us for who we truly are," she said. "They think their stories through carefully and are careful with how they handle us. Eventually, they let us take control of the story. But there's been something of an influx of those ignorant ones lately. We must be careful."

Naruto and Hinata looked at each other, each wondering about what lay ahead. What might the next author do to them when they woke up the next day?

Only time would tell.

* * *

**A/N: Again, I may ship NaruHina (and KrayHina, for that matter), BUT I am not bashing pairings such as KibaHina (back off, Mutt Boy), ShinoHina (I sometimes read that one), SasuHina (one of the two worst pairings ever), GaaHina (that one's actually interesting), AkatsukiHina (if it's funny I'll read it), or any other Hina that is not NaruHina. I am bashing the cliché "Hinata sees Naruto cheating on her with Sakura, so she hates him for it and falls in love with *insert male character's name here* instead" plotline. It is extremely out of character. Naruto is kindhearted and respects women; he would never cheat on his girlfriend, fiancée, or wife, be she Sakura, Hinata, Ino, or Yakumo Kurama. Likewise, Hinata would never just toss Naruto aside for another guy; her feelings go deeper than a mere schoolgirl crush and she'll always care deeply for him, even if she married another. I can see her marrying another man because she wants him to be happy, even if that means he's with a woman other than herself. Having her suddenly move on and not feel anything for Naruto makes her seem shallow, and she is anything but a shallow character. So don't get your panties in a knot. If it cheers you up, though, I plan to do a chapter covering the "Naruto and Hinata fall in love in a day" cliché.**

**Speaking of which… I need suggestions for which OOC plot twist I should write about next. I was thinking of godmoddy-Naruto/Sakura/Sasuke, NaruHarem, or mushy-gushy SasuSaku, nonetheless, your ideas would be much appreciated.**

**Alicia-chan**


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